i love you? i love you not?
i use to think that i will not be affected by this. that as long as two people are in love, it doesn't matter that they do not share the same religion. now, i finally realise that this may not be the case.for the past few days, religion seem to be our pet topic. was debating with him and his fren. they told me their view on their religion and i told them mine. there are certain things of the religion that i cannot agree with. and after all these debate, i still find it hard to accept. for example, non believers of god go to hell. (whatever......)
it wasn't a case where he tried to convert me, nor me convert him. i guess its jus the fact that he chose to belong to the more radical and extreme church and he's a convert.
went with him to service and cell on several occasions. and each time i see him pray, it scares me. i freaked out. pardon me, but they look horribly cultish when they all start speaking in tongue. if one have seen what a service is like in their church. and everytime the pastor or cell leader speaks, i either roll my eyes or jus be amazed at how those people lap up everything that was said almost as if they are not listening, but yelling (yes literally) and shouting in approval for the sake of doing it. for there are certain things that are said that jus sounds plain selfish, or plain dumb. you gotta be there to listen to believe it. but then again, these people are fervent believers. faith brought them together one way or another. who is to say it is all sheer nonsense?
and suddenly i start to wonder whether it was right of me to get into this relationship. i dont know why i feel that way. but when its all over and when we spend happy times together, this issue doesn't seem to matter any more (until i see him pray again i suppose).
and i wonder. why?? why am i feeling this way? is it because i do not agree with the religion that's why i hate to see him in it? but if i truly love him, i should tolerate the things that he does. but everytime he says he's got cell on sat, or svc on sun...my heart just sinks...
and his excuse would be that its only a few hours, that even if he doesn't go svc on sun he'd be sleeping at home anyway. that i can take the opportunity to hang out with frens or do something else....yada yada...
it all sounds right and reasonable when he says it...but truth is, i just hate to see him so involved in it.
though he may say he's not very committed (cos there's apparently alot more to be done in the church which he doesn't do), i do feel it seem to be taking up his time.
maybe i am too demanding...i'm very scared....
posted by pearlewurly @ 1/03/2006 11:50:00 pm
